Květen 2018

When I feel blue ...

8. května 2018 v 17:38 | Michal Novotný |  Articles in English
Today I met a gay couple. They were holding their hands and smiling. I smiled at them … and envied. I did not succeed in changing this feeling to happiness or hope. Not at the moment. I have catched myself looking for somebody who would look for me. A man who would feel three S mantionned by doctor Plzák: compassion with my pain (Soucit), nostalgia when I am far (Stesk) and worry about me when I am in a danger (Strach). This three S are the base of partnership and love. Thanks to this three S you the only one for your partner.

I feel blue and I am trying to find another colour for my mood. What about purple? Or green? … I remember the colours of touches: kissing is red, hugging is white, holding someone´s hand is yellow (the Van Gogh´s yellow!). These are only memories and dreams. I want to wake up and make them true. I want to wake up and feel the red colour in my lips, the white in my arms and the yellow in my hands.

I am listening to Debussy and my mood is slowly changing. My envy is dissolving in the music. My sadness is crystallizing and sinking to the bottom. It is still here, but somewhere deep and prepared to be swept. I see the scene again: the gay couple in the street … and I smile. I feel a touch of music and I feel … white!